Monday, 5 October 2015

Relationship breakdowns, What about the children?


How difficult is it when relationships break down? as a young child, I think most people would say they dream of the perfect family, two point four children, a dog, a marriage, but in this day an age things are never that simple, people are quick to have children with people they think they know or as an accident/mistake/nice surprise its not wrong, I will be the first to hold my hands up to this, but long term it makes life difficult as some of these relationships will work and some just don't for many reasons - infidelity, personalty clash, age there are so many reasons relationships break down, which is hard when its just the normal person with no ties but each other.

What happens when there is children involved? - Many couples stay friends, many can be amicable for the sake of the children, share the parenting, share responsibility and then for others its a down right battle every step of the way, there are the dads that are fighting every corner for the rights to see there children or mums for that matter and then there are the few that just are not bothered if they see there children again the latter I myself can never understand.

But is it right to force someone to be in your children's lives if they don't want to be? whether it is a mum or a dad if that person doesn't want to be there for a child surely long term its going to cause that child more damage, or is it better to have them there no matter how rubbish you think the other person is as a parent giving the children the chance to learn for themselves - I honestly don't know the answer to this question its something that is personal to yourself, what I do know is that whatever the situation between yourself and the other parent the best way forward is not to argue - although you might not be arguing directly in front of the children they pick up on tension they feel your moods, they feel your pain, no matter how little or young you think they are trust me they know.

I do think that both parents deserve a fair shot no matter how much you dislike the other - this isn't about you anymore its about the children no matter how bad you feel, no matter how much you think they will be better off without that parent unless they have committed a major crime or have neglected them or are likely to (which has to be proven) I think they deserve to see there children and your child wont understand if you stop them seeing there parent, as far as they are concerned they love each parent equally so for there sake you need to put your differences aside, even bite your tongue if you have to, Always remember Children come first.


How can things be made easier?


  • Work together - This means co-operating sort out the best arrangements to suit each other remember your both human and need each other to support each other lifestyle for example its no good trying to get the other party to agree to have your child a certain day if they have to work or have other commitments.
  • Talk - When you have children especially younger children its hard to find out what there day has been like or what time they have eaten - or even if they have been to the toilet, sometimes you have got to exchange words, if you really feel like you don't want to talk to the other person or feel like you cant, you could try introducing a memo book or communication book which is solely used to write what the children have been doing or you could talk through a family member or friend that is completely neutral on both sides.   
  • Keep cool - There are going to be times on both sides that you really want to scream and shout about things but seriously ask yourself what it is actually going to achieve long term, its not is it sometimes being a little tactful is the better way forward and might make things better in the long run.
  • Remember Your Child has feelings - You may think that the other person is the worlds worst human, you may hate them or resent them for different reasons but all children know is that person is a person they love, don't make them feel like its wrong to like them or to talk about them and don't cloud there own views, let them make there own its important to put your differences aside for there sake. 

Any relationship breakdown of any form is difficult, I hope my list above helps you to think about your own situation, its so easy to get caught up in a battle of words and actions but ultimately when there is children involved its only them that matters - no matter how hard that is to swallow.

How have you coped with a relationship breakdown? Did you get caught up in the battle or arguments? and what has happened/is happening now I would love to hear your thoughts?  


             

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