Wednesday, 24 June 2015

#Mum's stop feeling guilty


Picture the scene - I am wondering up and down the isles, in a well known clothes store when a pretty floral top catches my eye, I look through the sizes, "Yes" they have my size feeling the soft material, I pick it up spin it round on the coat hanger, taking in every angle of it, then I pull the coat hanger up to my chin holding the top against myself looking in the mirror across the store - its lovely - then comes that moment, my brain is working overtime "the boys need new shoes, coats, underwear, toys..... Everything, before my brain has caught up the top is back on the stand with the others and I am briskly walking out of the shop without so much as looking back.

I am sure every mum has been here at some point or another, its guilt, why we as mothers do this to our selves I have absolutely no idea, did the boys need new things? (probably not) but the guilt doesn't just stop there, on a daily basis I am wracked with guilt, questions to myself like have I told them off to much? did they eat enough food? Are there uniforms ironed properly? did I leave the baby to cry for too long? are they warm enough? are they too cold? have they gone bed to late/early?, The list is endless.



Then there are the rare occasions you get asked to go out for the evening or day you have it all planned in your head what you are wearing, who is going to look after the children, how long it will take you to get them ready, before you have to get yourself ready .....and there is that damned voice again................ what if the kids get poorly? What if they wont go to sleep? what if they somehow escape from the house? or aliens take them, its ridiculous isn't it! but by the end of the conversation with your self in your head the moment of planning has gone, you have yet again resigned yourself to yet another night in front of the TV, mum Guilt has got the best of us again.

I don't know about you? but part of the battle most days is just making it through the day to bed time with perhaps no major meltdowns, telling myself over and over, you know I really am doing OK, and then there is the other part of me that is shouting "YOU CAN DO BETTER",  You are a shit mum and why you thought you could cope with three children I don't know.

So why do we beat ourselves up so much? I blame lots of factors the older generation for always telling us "we never had anyone to look after our children for us you just had to get on with it" and then there are the perfect mums at school they're are the ones that strut into school every looking like they are a model, perfect hair, perfect makeup, kids that look like angels, then there is social media baking mums, crafting mums, mums that post pictures and "proud stories" not that there is anything wrong with this we all love our children and of course when they do something good we want to share it with the world, its almost like saying HA see I am doing something right as a mum/mother but in reality other mums will feel like they have to keep up. there is always something that makes you compare yourself and feel insignificant.

Do you know what to all the Mums/Mothers Out their,

STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP

I had a bit of a "light bulb" moment today, It was Liam's sports day, after there was a raffle and refreshments, I of course bought a couple of raffle tickets it goes towards the school fund and we won in fact we won twice, they had toys, books, gift vouchers for play days out  then there was adult things wine, perfume and gift sets etc for the adults. I gave the first ticket winning ticket to Liam and told him to go and pick something, which he did, he came back with a bottle of wine for me, I could have cried, he actually put me before himself and then there was the second ticket, that I gave to Adam thinking he would definitely pick something for himself but he didn't he bought me back a box of lovely face creams and you know in that moment I realised the boys don't care if I have a new top or a night out, they don't care if the house isn't spotless or the washing up isn't done, they don't care if mummy's looking tired.



What they do care about, if mummy is there to pick them up when they fall, or if your there when they cry out having a bad dream in the night, after all in all children's eyes you're there mum and you are awesome, so don't be so hard on yourself, after all their was no manual written for parenting. mummy's come in all shapes, sizes, backgrounds and lifestyles and none of them are wrong so remember to be kind to yourself you're doing just great!     


    

Let's Talk Mommy

4 comments:

  1. Helen you are a fab mummy!! Your boys are your everything. You have to treat yourself once in a while. Go back and by that top. You deserve it...you work hard so why not? Love ya xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Preach! You're right we beat ourselves up when we're just doing our best and as long as our children know they're loved, it's okay. Seconding the suggestion of the new top purchase!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree that kids thinks of us as well and would get something for us first before them.

    This is such a beautiful post. I am guilty with so many things in so many times and it can be tiring. I am stiltrying my best not to be a guilty mom.

    #sharewithme

    ReplyDelete
  4. Its hard as a parent not to feel guilty in some form shape or situation. I try my best but sometimes I feel I am failing on all accounts. I really have to take a step back and see they are loved, safe, healthy, and happy. What else matters? Not what I look like, wear, or if the house is tidy or they have cool clothes or if their meals are on paper or china plates. They don't care but love and happiness and safe and healthy is all they need. It's hard to keep that in perspective with the hustle of everyday life. Great post. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

    ReplyDelete