Thursday, 12 June 2014

An Unplanned Pregnancy #BlogBumpClub


Last week as I walked up and down the corridors in Accident and emergency - don't worry I wasn't hurt I was working, as most of you know its a job I desperately yearned for and somewhere I actually Love, I love the hustle and Bustle of the hospital it keeps me on my toes. I was summoned by a patient that was quite upset, I cant go into to much detail for confidentiality reasons - but she was really upset, she asked me if I would test her urine for her as she thought she might be pregnant, Of course I would it was my job, I gave her some reassurance and wondered off to carry out the test, as I stood in the little room where we carry out all of our clinical tests, it suddenly occurred to me, little thoughts whizzing round in my brain - I couldn't remember the last time I had a period, I was racking my brains trying to think, trying to work out if anything stood out in my mind as to when the date was, nothing I was completely drawing a blank.

But I didn't feel pregnant? my breasts were slightly tender but no more than usual, with the boys I was quite sickly in the first few months, I felt nothing had no symptoms at all - I couldn't be could I?
on my dinner I wondered over to the shop and picked myself up a pregnancy test, I was sending myself round the bend on what ifs - I needed to know and to be honest there was not one part of me that thought it could actually be positive.

I headed straight to the toilets and did it - weed on a stick, a bit crude maybe, but true I weed on a stick and then sat and watched as the urine worked its way up the paper inside the little stick - I was thinking please be negative, but as it crept up the stick there was no denying that the pregnancy positive line was there. I am Pregnant.




It wasn't sinking in, I spent the rest of my shift thinking, day dreaming, swallowing back tears, I had convinced myself, I could just get rid of the baby no one would have to know, but another part of me was already feeling that mothering instinct, like I did when I found out I was pregnant with the boys, an instinct to protect them and to love them no matter what.

It is the situation that makes me question everything, with the boys daddy, the same daddy as the un - born baby has, still not a part of our lives full time and I have just started a new job my life was moving on and now I feel like it is making a stop again.

I have told a few people that are close to me, most are quite cross with me for being so "stupid" for letting them down because they love me, because they want me to move on in my life and you know its horrible, heart breaking in fact, to tell people you are pregnant and no one says congratulations, the way that I have been thinking about things is this baby did not choose to be conceived but the baby was conceived, at that moment in love and it will be loved by me its daddy and its big brothers and the rest of my family once it is here.

This baby is growing safely inside my tummy and that's where it is going to stay and that is a definite decision I have made, I cant believe the other option even entered my head if I went through with a termination, I would never have forgiven myself, a baby is a joyous occasion or it is meant to be, there is never a right moment to have children, but it is not the end of the world either.
I also need to for once put myself first and not worry about what everybody else thinks. I am blessed in that I am lucky that I can have children, there are so many people that would give there right arm or leg to be where I am now and pregnant, I am going to cherish every moment and do what is right for me.

I haven't had an appointment with the midwife yet nor do I know exactly how many weeks I am but If I am right I think I am around nine - ten weeks already, nearly into the second trimester I know its still early to be telling people but I want to share my thoughts feelings with you all.


 "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.” - John Lennon

       



Mother's Always Right

13 comments:

  1. Congratulations :-) I'm glad you've made your own decision and stuck to it. I fell pregnant in not a great situation but everything fell into place and worked out well, sure it will for you too xxx

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  2. Well Congratulations from me and well done for making your decision and focussing on yourself and your baby. Everything will work out fine I am sure and before you know it you will have a gorgeous little bundle for everyone to coo over and love. Best of luck with it all! xx #blogbumpclub

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  3. It's another congratulations here. Only you can make the decision about your own body, but it sounds like this baby is going to have a wonderful mum who will love him or her. I'm sorry for the circumstances around you finding out etc, but - if you want it to be - this is a special, happy thing. Much love - and thank you for linking up to the #BlogBumpClub x

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  4. Congratulations.....Good luck x

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  5. Lots of third babies are 'accidents' and goodness a lot of us have been there. 45% of pregnancies every year are unplanned in fact. Does that make us all stupid? Maybe. But when he or she is here it all falls into place. And actually it sounds like it already has for you. Congratulations. It's lovely news. #blogbumpclub

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  6. Well I'm going to say Congratulations! It sounds like a difficult situation, but difficult doesn't mean impossible; and what is life for if not to be filled with a few interesting twists and turns along the way. Fingers crossed for the rest of the first trimester - hopefully the sickness won't decide it needs to play catch up!

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  7. Im really sorry but you already gave away enough information about the patient for us to guess tut-tut) Congrats on your pregnancy it will sink in soon enough!

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  8. Congrats--only you can decide what's best for you!

    ✰Transatlantic Blonde✰

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  9. I am so sorry nobody has said congratulations, so here is is from me. Congratulations! Things don't always happen according to a plan but I do believe they happen for a reason. x x

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  10. Aw congratulations! It's taken me until a few weeks ago to accept I'm pregnant properly and i'm 32 weeks now..it just didn't seem real for ages xx Hugs xx be kind to yourself xx

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  11. congratulations!! Sorry to hear that noone else said congratulations, that must of been really hard for you :( x
    stephaniejayne-xo.blogspot.co.uk

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