Tuesday, 1 April 2014

ADHD - And Ignorance, DO NOT JUDGE US!


I don't normally rant on my blog about things that make me angry and to be honest that's because not that many things in life make me that angry. So angry that I want to thump someone in the face or give them a firm shake and tell them to get there head out of cuckoo land - but what I read on Facebook today from the article to peoples views made me see red .

The Article that sparked the mass of stupid comments by absolutely ignorant people was posted by Parent dish titled "ADHD is a label not a real disease according to an American neuroscientist."  The Article it's self makes some valid points I don't believe medication should be given out like sweets, I think that each area of alternative treatment should be tried like changing diets, finding extra activities to occupy a child and if nothing else works then the medication route should be approached but with great caution.



I agree that ADHD is a label, I don't believe for one moment that it is a disease, I believe that some where in the brain the person has simply been wired differently from the rest of us. However this is a label that helps to cement the stepping stones that will guide children through the rest of their lives and to deal with there behaviors and difficulty's.

Who cares if it's just a label? Any condition that exists in the body or should I say in the brain like depression, anxiety, OCD and ADHD, they are all things that people can't see, that people don't class as an illness just because they can't see the illness physically, however this does not mean that the individual person is not ILL.

Just because you can't see anything physically it doesn't mean their label is any less worthy, than someone who has heart trouble or has broken their leg, the only difference is most people with a physical illness get better, those with an illness or disease that is trapped in there mind will probably be trapped with their thoughts forever and I think there is no where that could be more lonely than a person or especially a child that is trapped with thoughts or actions they simply can't control.

The Article I am guessing has been written to spark debate, however it wasn't so much the article that made me feel like I was boiling over in anger, it was the comments underneath - the article was a fine example of how people with a small minded existence look at other families another way to attack parents that have a tough enough job on a day to day basis and its the type of comments that will have mums like me and you questioning there own parenting skills.

Now I was going to post the picture on this blog post but I am not sure I am aloud to so here are two of the worst comments;

 "Completely agree. It's a label parents use who have badly behaved children!"

 "its a label that parents use for their lazy parenting skills and not being able to control their own  children!!"


The two quotes are clearly from two very small minded people that have absolutely no idea of what they are talking about - a very good example of ignorance in life.

Although Liam is not diagnosed with anything and may never be, he is a really difficult child he always has been difficult. I have two boys that have both been raised in exactly the same way, neither has more than the other in gifts or in parenting, yet they are like chalk and cheese I have one child that is reasonably good where as the other often goes out of his way to be naughty, to push every last bit of patience I have, I often think he strives to win situations or to manipulate them to get his own way.

Let me tell you its bloody hard work, my parenting skills are far from lazy in fact there are days when I feel like I am sick of my own voice, I am constantly on his back, to stop kicking, throwing, hitting, spitting even just getting him  to lick a piece of food, it's an uphill battle and the reason for the lick is because he will not put food in his mouth.


Saturday we went for a meal, after the meal Liam wanted to go on the park outside the pub. The park climbing frame was over 6ft tall and was clearly labelled for children over six only - yes there was a smaller climbing area for younger children, but oh no Liam did not want to play on that he wanted to go on the bigger area he was told NO, resulting in a complete melt down of screaming and dragging his feet.

At this point it was time to leave it took two of us to physically drag him back to the car, people staring, tutting and raising there eyebrows.

Was this down to bad parenting, definitely not is it down to Liam - I don't know, I wont know until  he has been investigated, but what I do know is most people who write comments like the above have absolutely no idea at all of what it is like to live with a child who is constantly badly behaved, parenting with a "normal" child is hard enough, but with one that has extreme difficulty's with behavior etc takes over your whole life and every morning you wake up it is a struggle.

My reply back to those comments is to think before you judge parents on what you're seeing in front of your eyes, you have absolutely no idea of other peoples or children's personal circumstances, some of this behavior just can't be helped and blaming the parents is just making their lives more difficult, bad judgement rubs off onto others and make the parents that have to deal with ADHD etc, have to deal with your ignorance as well, in turn making life so much harder than it has to be. If your opinions are of the above I would rather you kept them to yourself, it is clear that people are very uneducated and the stigma that goes with any sort of mental health issues are still very real - in 2014 its really not good enough.
I have personally read and do read everything I possibly can about conditions that could potentially be affecting our future, I would never ever make a comment on something I knew nothing about.

My son may have ADHD or Autism or whatever else the professionals may or may not throw at us but he is happy well dressed we laugh, play, in fact he is very funny and he is learning to become very loving - he is a very special little boy.

Do not stare when you see children having a melt down or an over exaggerated tantrum - think about how you would feel if that was your child? 

               

SuperBusyMum

11 comments:

  1. Greatly written my lovely. Both my cousins have ADHD severely. And my poor aunt is FAR from lazy mothering and she gets so much judging and opinions from other parents all through school. They really struggled and she struggled and others just labeled them as naughty spoiled brats. I felt really sorry for her. This is such a great post and perfectly written more people should be aware of their mindless words and judging. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me linky. #sharewithme

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  2. So sad that people - especially other parents - feel the need to judge others. I really hope you get help and support your son needs... It's a tough journey, but a rewarding one I'm sure!
    #MMWBH

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  3. Those comments are just awful, so I entirely understand you feeling the need to rant here. I don't pretend to understand ADHD, as I've no personal experience with it, but then as I've no experience, I feel I'm in no position to comment - I wonder if those ignorant people commenting considered that? I absolutely would not judge, and I really feel for you. Well written and point well made!

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  4. my husband had ADHD and from what ive heard he was given some kind of medication which didnt help as he was super hyper, which to me sounds like lie as he is a completely different person

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  5. Yeah I too was outraged when I heard about that article. I think sweeping generalisations are dangerous and lazy. Great post xxx

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  6. Those comments made my blood boil. I mean its hard enough that ... Its just too much to say i think. I have to confess though that sometimes when a child is having a tantrum that I look not because I judge but because I feel for the parents/parent cuz i know how it feels. But these comments are comments of ignorance.

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  7. It's so easy for people with no first-hand experience to generalise and make assumptions and stories like this really don't help - but the press love them because they like to cause a stir and create controversy. There are so many contradictory parenting stories around at the moment, parents can't win most of the time. #MMWBH

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  8. I think it is easy to generalise and assume things for people without any or much knowledge, I only learnt about ADHD a few years ago, but I can see why those comments would anger.

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  9. When I think about it, I've known so many children/people who could have been labeled ADHD but were not. Their parents struggled hard to ensure that they grew up to be model citizens.

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  10. Well said Hun. A close friend of mine has been battling with her now four year old son and with professionals to figure out why he behaved the way he did. Recently he was diagnosed with autism, and we know we can work around him, at his pace on his terms you know. He sees the world differently then we do so Don't let the ignorance and assumptions of others weigh you down Hun.

    Thanks so much for linking up to #madmidweekbloghop

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  11. People can be so horrible and judgmental and you just know if the situation was reversed they'd crumble in a second probably. Well said - its definitely not easy when you have a bundle thats completely full of energy as it is without anything else on top. You sound like a great mum to me x

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